Tuesday, October 31


I was 17 and naive enough to think I was safe. He was in his 30's and pretty famous (Still is). I was starstruck and flattered that he paid any attention to me at all. That was the time I was dealing with acne and nursing a lot of insecurities about my looks.

When he asked me to hang out I thought nothing of it since I haven't really gone on a real date yet at the time. We watched some music videos and movies and talked in his condo and he kissed me and that was it. He tasted like the food we just ate. To be honest, it was pretty gross and I remember asking myself if that was it? My first kiss. I tried to convince myself that it was special and that it was a big deal but at the back of my head I knew it wasn't. I was just too stupid to admit it then.

It went downhill from there. The second time we "hung out" he showed me a video of him getting it on with some famous model at that time. If he thought that it was going to turn me on it really grossed me out instead. He kissed me afterwards, groped me and tried to pin me underneath him. I struggled and got away. I locked myself in his bathroom and cried. I told him I was going to call my friends since they were nearby if he tried anything funny again.

Eventually, he let me go. I remember walking to where my friends were that night crying with one strap of my top ruined. It felt so surreal that it actually happened and the weird thing was, I pretended that I was sort of ok when I got to them and I even convinced myself it was something to be proud of since he was a famous and he wanted me. How stupid of me I know. Besides, no one was going to believe that I was innocent anyway since I was the one who willingly visited his place.

Fast-forward to the whole Denise Cornejo/Vhong Navarro trial here in the Philippines. People were so quick to judge her, she invited him to her place and she made out with him so it was impossible that he raped her and were slut-shaming her online. It reminded me of how society makes it really hard for the victim to report sexual assault or rape since people generally look for reasons to pin the blame on the victim especially if the perpetrator is famous and powerful.

This draft has been sitting on my blog for weeks since the Weinstein scandal broke out. I was afraid to post it out of fear of being judged. I have healed and moved on from this experience and I am not looking for sympathy nor willing to name who this person is.  I just wanted to point out that this type of abuse happens more often than you think and sometimes it doesn't even happen behind closed doors. I remember back in Med School we had this disgusting old professor who would make really lewd jokes and say things to me and other female students that made us really uncomfortable. He did this in front of everyone but people would just laugh it off since he was old and people were just used to his disgusting ways.

The whole system is so crooked and people are so biased and ignorant that they promote this culture that tolerates abuse and silences the victim. It's great that the whole Weinstein thing got everyone talking but after #MeToo, something more concrete must be done to prevent this.

Take care xx

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